where now?

Do you ever feel like some days you are just going in circles? The same circles you've been going in for months?

Today is one of those days. I'm still trying to find a job, and I'm pretty sure I've already seen all of the scenery I'm passing in this little venture I'm going in circles. Mostly though, the circles are my own that I have created.

Let me clarify: It's not that there are no jobs here. There are just not the kind of jobs that I can see myself being passionate about. Like every sane person, I want to find a job I will not just like, but love. A job that fulfills me. BUT... the jobs in my chosen career field just don't look all that appealing to me from the outside. I've been doing some soul-searching, and I am coming to a scarey conclusion; I spent four years getting a college degree that I just am not that thrilled with anymore. Great.

Here is just a little glimpse of what I am learning about myself. I haven't had a job for 4 1/2 months now, so I've been discovering hobbies like crazy. I dove right into scrapbooking, pretty much have every room of my future dream home designed and decorated in my head, and have gotten very excited about photography. Each of these hobbies has just reinforced what I always knew: I am a visual person. DESIGN MOVES ME!! Colors inspire me. Line, form, light facinate me. The act of creating drives me.

So now my challenge is to put the pieces together and decide what I want for my future. At this point, I don't know what direction that will take me. But I'm on my way. I'll get there. I'll get out of my rut and find new scenery. I'm sure of that.

How I know we're not in Fargo anymore...

I just had to laugh when I saw this outside this afternoon. Note the neat piles of fallen leaves under the trees. Are you kidding me? If this were Fargo, those leaves would be blown and scattered ALL OVER that pretty green grass like you wouldn't believe.

huh??

Ok, a weird thing is happening to me as the thermometer drops... I'm a little excited for fall to be here! WHAT?!?!

Here's the thing... every year right around August, I start getting deathly afraid that winter is getting closer and closer. It's true. May is my favorite month of the year, because the weather is beautiful and winter is FAR FAR AWAY. Then once June passes, I can hardly enjoy the rest of summer because I know that winter is creeping itself closer and closer to me. It's ridiculous, I know, but I'm not kidding.

But this year, something has gone awry and I am finding myself pulling out fall decorations with glee. In fact, I was excited yesterday to buy apples at the grocery store to match the wonderful new decor the apartment is sporting. And I can't wait to light those vanilla and pumpkin spice-scented candles I put away after Thanksgiving last year. Huh?? What is going on?

Perhaps a change in geographic location has prompted this paradigm shift. Or perhaps all the rich, warm colors and smells and the comfy blankets and the cool breezes of fall remind me of home.

Mmmmm.... I miss home.